UPF Nightmares: The Gift that Keeps on Giving

As someone who has won several Ultimate Pit Fights with nothing other than Kavdaen and a handful of garbage, I can confidently tell you that playing the best hero to win is the quickest way to lose. Instead, bring the spiciest deck you can imagine and convince the table that if they keep you alive long enough, you’ll show them a really neat party trick.

Today we’re showcasing an absolutely disgusting Ultimate Pit Fight deck, one that requires patience and generosity, and will probably end up ruining all of your friendships. This cracked concoction features a familiar snowy-bearded face, and while we may be saying goodbye to Oldhim in Classic Constructed and Blitz, the retirement home still lets him take walks into the grounds of Ultimate Pit Fight.

But this isn’t the same Oldhim you remember. We’re not heaving Pulverize or Pummelling Command and Conquer. No, we’re spoiling our opponent’s day in another, very unique way - one that requires us to put on our Santa hat and embark on a little gift-giving…

(Disclaimer: Legend Story Studios will not be held responsible for any table flips that result from playing this deck)

Decklist - 'The Gift that Keeps on Giving'

Inventory

Winter’s Wail

Rampart of the Ram’s Head

Crown of Seeds

Fyendal’s Spring Tunic

Crater Fist

Ironhide Legs

Nullrune Gloves

Nullrune Boots

Arcane Lantern

Pitch 1

2x Fate Foreseen

2x Sink Below

2x Oasis Respite

2x Sigil of Solace

2x Strategic Planning

2x Whisper of the Oracle

2x Drone of Brutality

1x Nourishing Emptiness

Pitch 2

2x Shitty Xmas Present

2x Strategic Planning

2x Whisper of the Oracle

2x Remembrance

Pitch 3

2x This Round’s on Me

2x Sift

2x Strategic Planning

2x Whisper of the Oracle

2x Imposing Visage

2x Stamp Authority

2x Channel Lake Frigid

1x Hypothermia

1x Pulse of Isenloft

1x Eye of Ophidia

Worst Xmas Ever

Saddle up as we leave Isenloft, bulging sack of presents in tow, on our not-so-merry way to deliver goodies into the stockings of all the children in Rathe. The aim of this deck is to abuse and reuse Shitty Xmas Present to place Cracked Baubles into our opponent’s decks.

Obviously we can only play two copies of this promo, but just when your foes think they’re off the naughty list we show that we’re a tidy Kiwi by recycling them back with Remembrance and Strategic Planning to use again… and again… and again… dishing out up to 14 Cracked Baubles over the course of a game!

Having access to all of Oldhim’s tools is snow joke! Crown of Seeds creates the perfect deck cycler, allowing us to dig further every turn to find those presents. Sometimes in Ultimate Pit Fight you will find turns where you have spare cards and nothing to do with them, a full arsenal, and some contractual obligations with another player that prevents you from attacking. With Crown, we never get stuck with a dead hand that we can’t pop to the bottom.

We want to see those presents as soon as possible, so we support this strategy with deck filters like Whisper of the Oracle and Eye of Ophidia, as well as draw power like This Round’s on Me and Sift, and also a few cards that can potentially increase our intellect.

Because we’re focusing on our own solo mission of philanthropy, we need to stay alive in order to see the payoff. Oldhim is equipped with a lot of powerful defensive tools, and we’re bolstering that strategy with classic staples like Fate Foreseen and Sink Below (that also help dig through the deck), and survival cards like Oasis Respite and Sigil of Solace. These cards aren’t anything new in Oldhim, but we can safely say that they’ve never before been in a deck this based.

Staying alive also means preventing our enemies from smashing our teeth in, should they choose to ignore our diplomatic pleas and attempt to stem the tide of free gifts. Stamp Authority shuts down triggers across the whole table (and on rare occasions boosts our intellect), while the few Ice cards in the deck can be pitched over and over until they stack up together in the late game, and form a nasty little 3-card combo of Channel Lake Frigid, pitching Channel Lake Frigid, into Hypothermia, then drawing the pitched card to use as an Ice Reaction, which should be enough to prevent any aggressive hero from setting even a toe in Santa’s Workshop. We also have Imposing Visage to search these auras if the opportunity arises.

You may have noticed that unlike your typical Guardian deck, we are running almost no attack actions, save for two copies of Drone of Brutality, and one copy of Nourishing Emptiness. Since Drone always goes to the bottom of the deck, Nourishing Emptiness will always be live when we draw it, chipping damage, drawing cards, and we can even recycle it with the several eco-friendly tools at our disposal.

Drone gives us a recurring threat that becomes progressively more terrifying the longer the game goes, when the chances of drawing multiple Cracked Baubles rises higher and higher. It also grants us a great counterplay to other decks running Drone, by allowing us to block with both copies, activate Oldhim’s ability pitching Pulse of Isenloft to soak up the remaining 2 damage, and slap a card out of their hand to boot, then pitching our remaining card to swing ol’ reliable.

Good Deeds Don't Go Unnoticed

Not everyone’s going to be on board with your strategy and just sit there while you dump junk down their chimney, so expect a little resistance. The best thing to do is try making some friends at the table, and promise not to give any unwanted gifts to players who leave you alone (whether you keep that promise is up to you and your legal counsel).

Don’t be afraid to take a little damage in order to play out your strategy. You have so many tools to bounce back from low life totals that it can actually be a massive advantage to take a hit and convince the table you’re not the biggest threat.

Try not to piss anyone off by attacking unnecessarily. If you can make everyone believe you’re a harmless old gentleman who’s just trying to make up for his war crimes in Classic Constructed with a little charity work, then people will be inclined to leave you alone. And if they leave you alone, you can get away with bloody murder.

At the end of the game, provided you’re still breathing, you will have complete control over damage prevention, card recursion, and consistent attacking power. Everyone else will have decks littered with Cracked Baubles to ruin their late game plays, dilute their attacking power, and disrupt their blocking.

Drone the last stragglers to death, win the game, lose your friends, then think about what you did.