Dumpster Dive #3: God's Mistake

Can you smell the sweet scent of bin juice? You’ve stumbled upon Dumpster Dive, where we scrape the bottom of the barrel for decks to take to your next Commoner gig! Join us as we sift through the dregs for decklists that are kick-ass, giga-brain, or sometimes just downright deranged. Despite the limited card pool, we’ve only scratched the surface of what the world of budget beatdowns has to offer… If you’re willing to get your hands dirty!

Well... Well... Well... Look who's still not cancelled.

The bin is extra smelly this month, crammed full of decklists that lead me to seriously question the stability of Commoner players. I lay awake at night, tossing and turning, haunted by visions of Riptide activating Sloggism over and over again. Some of you deserve to be in jail.

Before we begin, I'd like to shout out the player who took Enigma to the finals of the Commoner Gold Foil at Minneapolis. Using a truly heinous combination of Spectral Manifestations and Reality Refractor, they managed to cleave multiple games against the prominent Commoner threat - Ira, Crimson Haze, only falling over at the very end. Your deck was gross. I love it.

Righto, let’s get scrounging for our next Landfill Legend…

Pummelism

This nifty number comes from the twisted mind of Brecht Van Reusel, who had a lightbulb moment one day when he realised Luminaris, Celestial Fury was a rare. The plan is simple, you send a Herald out with three cards in hand, and then your opponent spirals into a fit of despair over whether you're going to Pummel it or give it go again. Whenever you have floating resources or your Herald gets popped, you can activate Prism's hero ability, making a Spectral Shield to get a tasty little refund on your unused cards.

Prism hitting the gym is suprisingly good into aggro decks, adopting the "Don't Care, Didn't Ask, No Blocks" attitude. The deck is at its most terrifying with a card in arsenal or with the use of Heartened Cross Strap, but it should do just fine on an average hand containing two blues. Is it utter copium against control decks with loads of poppers? Absolutely! Celestial Reprimand is the main tool for this, and can lead to some devastating blowouts. Brecht has also included the Radiant equipment from Dusk till Dawn, as Prism isn't relying on her soul to make Spectral Shields to win the game. My only advice is to bump up the number of yellow and blue 2-cost attacks to drive home consistency and flexibility.

Frazzle Dazzle

Let me get this straight... Lexi terrorised Classic Constructed for like eight months straight, and you want to bring her back?! Howard Brody has cooked up a storm with a deck that even he admits has "too much go again". This concoction leverages Death Dealer and the full six copies of Electrify to draw free cards, attacking multiple times while threatening an absurd amount of Lightning damage from arrows like Frazzle and Buzz Bolt. There's even a couple of Infecting Shots thrown into the mix for maximum rudeness. Yuck.

The deck contains several ways to get multiple arrows into arsenal in a single turn, such as Over Flex, Pathing Helix, Bull's Eye Bracers, and GODDAMN IS THAT HONING HOOD?! Combine those with the Lightning flip from Lexi's ability, Snapdragon Scalers, Amulet of Lightning, and (deep breath) Flock of the Feather Walkers, and you have a deck that stretches further than a yoga instructor (which I will be needing after this in order to manage the stress you're all giving me). My only suggestion is to slightly bump up the number of red and/or yellow arrows just to fully maximise your Over Flex swag.

Beaming Blade and a Prayer

It was only a matter of time before Boltyn showed up here, but never did I imagine it would be contained in such a pipe dream. This deck has a pretty simple gameplan - charge a yellow card, activate Boltyn's ability, swing Beaming Blade. Congratulations on your three-card Wounded Bull. Roasts aside, I really like the creativity that Jeffrey Beyerl has put into this deck to try and make it work, and I do think it shows potential. Bolt of Courage in particular feels like the deck's backbone, threatening to replace the card you charged with another to pitch for Beaming Blade and actually scrape together some decent value.

Boltyn's dead wife would be turning in her grave if she knew her husband was knee-deep in bin juice, but there's actually some interesting tools to be found amongst the filth. Charge of the Light Brigade, Courageous Steelhand, and Resounding Courage allow you to force go again when the opponent doesn't defend with an attack action, and I also love the cheeky Cracker Jax that Jeffrey has popped in there as a safety net. My only note is that this deck is ravenous for yellows, and I think you could safely cut about half the blues to make sure you reliably draw what you need when you need it. If you wanna be really spicy you could even try yellow Surging Militia or Push the Point (one of the game devs just walked past, looked at my screen, and shook his head sadly).

And now… The moment you’ve all been waiting for…

Our second Landfill Legend…

For his abhorrent Pummelism Deck…

BRECHT VAN REUSEL!

Congratulations, Brecht. You don’t win anything, but if you play the ambient sound of a crowd cheering in the background it will feel like you’ve won a prize. You’ve done an honourable service for all the Commoner Prism fans out there, wherever they may be (prison).

To the rest of you, have you got what it takes to make Cadaverous Contraband Uzuri a threat worth getting a restraining order against? Have you been taking home the bacon with Decimator Great Axe Dorinthea? Does your Brandish Arakni deck slap harder than Will Smith in a bad mood? Submit your deck to the form below and you could become the next Landfill Legend!

I’m going to go wash my hands now… catch you in next month’s Dumpster Dive!