Dumpster Dive #9: Can We Get Much Lower? (So Low)

Can you smell the sweet scent of bin juice? You’ve stumbled upon Dumpster Dive, where we scrape the bottom of the barrel for decks to take to your next Commoner gig! Join us as we sift through the dregs for decklists that are kick-ass, giga-brain, or sometimes just downright deranged. Despite the limited card pool, we’ve only scratched the surface of what the world of budget beatdowns has to offer… If you’re willing to get your hands dirty!

Well... here we are. The Last Dumpster Dive of 2024. This series hasn't gotten me fired (yet) so you can count on it returning next year. But if I mysteriously vanish between now and January, just know that the Kavdaen players are probably responsible. They're always up to no good.

Thank you to everyone who submitted a deck this year, and a special congratulations to all of our Landfill Legends for bringing us such utter garbage. I hope you've all enjoyed rummaging in the trash with me and discovering all the best (and worst) parts of Commoner.

Righto, let’s get scrounging for our next Landfill Legend…

No More Gambling

They say 99% of gamblers quit right before they win big. And perhaps the most committed gambler in Flesh and Blood is the original Kayo, Berserker Runt, who is FORCED BY BIG GOVERNMENT TO PARTAKE IN MANDATORY GAMBLING EVERY TURN. Today, Sulbin Park says "No more!". No more will Kayo be shackled by his addiction with this masterpiece of a deck that only contains attack actions with 5 or less power. No dice rolls at all. Not a single one.

It's amazing what you can achieve once you quit gambling and start spending your resources on things that are actually useful. How about investing in a Ponder token, keeping those savings for a rainy day? If you really miss playing 6-power cards, we have a variety of 5-powers that are cosplaying as 6-powers, able to increase their power without relying on being a god at rolling dice. I for one, am overjoyed to see Kayo on the path to recovery. Hopefully he doesn't run into a horrible accident in the near future and lose a limb, the healthcare costs alone would be an arm and a leg.

Alleyway Antics

From the man who brought you 40 Zaps, Thomas Bailey Galbraith is back with another list, and this time he actually cooked. There are no arrows in this deck, only 6 copies of Back Alley Breakline, with the intention to flip it into arsenal with Azalea's hero ability to gain an action point, then follow it up with a second attack action or a Talishar swing. There's a variety of LOOKING cards to achieve maximum consistency, such as Fate Foreseen and Whisper of the Oracle, as well as Memorial Grounds and Seek Horizon to put Back Alley Breakline on top of your deck. The stench from the alleyway dumpster is overwhelming!

Gaining an action point enables some pretty broken stuff like Moon Wish and Sun Kiss, especially when you can LOOK at what you're going to draw off the Sun Kiss. Cadaverous Contraband is in here too to make sure you don't run out of Sun Kisses, or even chain them back to back (if you can even find a way to line that up). I hate this deck with every fibre of my being, but you can't argue with results (the results are non-existent, it's a bad deck, don't play it).

Croonchants

Sing us a song, you're the Shadow Man, sing us a song tonight. Cause we're all in the mood for a melody, and you've got us feeling... not quite. Until now I've purposefully ignored Chane submissions, as they all revolved around someone believing they're the first person to discover Deadwood Dirge popping Soul Shackles. But I'm willing to make an exception for Thrad Weibley's deck, because the whole gimmick is it's just all cards with singing in the art or name.

There's a few creative liberties taken here. Some might say the artworks are more reminiscent of screaming rather than singing, but who are we to judge? My parents used to say the same thing about my music taste. Speaking of music taste, what do we think Chane listens to? Florian is very clearly the My Chemical Romance guy, but Chane's surely into Slipknot, Bring Me the Horizon, maybe even Nine Inch Nails?!

And now… The moment you’ve all been waiting for…

Our eighth Landfill Legend…

For his unwavering conviction in helping Kayo recover from his gambling addiction...

SULBIN PARK!

Congratulations, Sulbin. You don’t win anything, but if you play the ambient sound of a crowd cheering in the background it will feel like you’ve won a prize. You’ve done an honourable service for all the gamblers out there, and I guess the Kayo fans too.

To the rest of you, have you got what it takes to make Cadaverous Contraband Uzuri a threat worth getting a restraining order against? Have you been taking home the bacon with Moon Wish Sun Kiss Verdance? Does your reds-only Iyslander deck go harder than eating shredded cheese straight out of the bag at 3AM? Submit your deck to the form below and you could become the next Landfill Legend!

I’m going to go wash my hands now… catch you in next YEAR's Dumpster Dive!