Dumpster Dive #8: Don't Play These Decks at Portland!

Can you smell the sweet scent of bin juice? You’ve stumbled upon Dumpster Dive, where we scrape the bottom of the barrel for decks to take to your next Commoner gig! Join us as we sift through the dregs for decklists that are kick-ass, giga-brain, or sometimes just downright deranged. Despite the limited card pool, we’ve only scratched the surface of what the world of budget beatdowns has to offer… If you’re willing to get your hands dirty!

WELCOME BACK! What a whirlwind the Commoner format has been through in the last couple of weeks. Aether Ironweave is in the bin, which has already pulled Chane back from bullying the other kindergartners for a well-deserved time-out. Meanwhile Ira and Iyslander continue their rampant crime spree, delivering more pain than driving all the way home from McDonald's jut to find one less Chicken McNugget in your Happy Meal than there should be.

Calling: Portland kicks off this weekend, with the first ever Commoner Battle Hardened! Finally the format will get the spotlight it's been waiting for, and a fully fledged metagame will develop that isn't just theory-crafting based on random Discord conversations at 3AM with Steve who came 2nd at a 4-person Armory last week. But if you think we're taking the opportunity to highlight some big meta contenders ahead of the Battle Hardened, then clearly you're not familiar with this series...

Righto, let’s get scrounging for our next Landfill Legend…

Show Some Skin

Let's be honest here folks... no matter your orientation or preferences, who doesn't enjoy a little midriff? Caio Bal certainly does, which is why he's honouring our big and beautiful Betsy with a decklist devoted entirely to cards with artworks depicting bare chests and/or stomachs. Yes, you read that correctly... to be on the team you gotta be showing skin.

Yes, the gimmick is funny, and I award extra points for body positivity, but I think what's the best thing of all is that even when restricted to a card's artwork, Caio has somehow managed to build a semi-decent and actually functional Betsy deck. The Gold generation, combined with Good Time Chapeau, make cards like Concuss and Command Respect actually work. Is it playable? Probably not. But at least you'll get a good look at the beast from Barraging Brawnhide!

Haber-DASH-ery

This next one comes from an actual Commoner Gold Foil winner, so sit up and pay attention. Natalie Hunt has dived into the set from which this series gets its name - and has resurfaced with a very innovative (and extremely copium) Dash, Database build. The deck works pretty much how you'd expect, flinging Boom Grenades from the top of the deck to -- wait a minute, the Boom Grenade is in my hand, how am I supposed to...

Natalie has discovered a very clever way to empty your hand and use Ragamuffin's Hat to ship items you've drawn to the top of your deck to be launched into the arena via Dash's hero ability. Cogwerx Base Chest provides another outlet for emptying your hand, which when meshed together with some breakpoint boost attacks and cards like Urgent Delivery adds some surprising consistency to the deck. Sure, you cooked... but let's see you win another Gold Foil with it.

Fake Plastic Dragons

Time and time again I've ignored the Dragonless Dromai submissions, because they all like to cosplay with Reality Refractor and pretend they're not a strictly worse version of Enigma. But this was the first that made me laugh, and so I caved. It really is as bad as it sounds -- big scary Illusionist attacks with no payoff and huge punishes if they have the popper, no self-contained weapon damage, no real board presence, no win condition other than the opponent being Kavdaen...

What Teddy Sheridan has done differently to the other Dragon't decks is a ludicrously goofy combo where he tries to cheat in a Vengeful Apparition using Rifting or Coalescence Mirage, then when it dies, use the ability to place another ward aura such as Sigil of Solitude in the arena with a +1 counter, granting him a 1-cost go again weapon with Cosmo, Scroll of Ancestral Tapestry. Yeesh... I can smell the garbage from here.

And now… The moment you’ve all been waiting for…

Our seventh Landfill Legend…

For his based Show Some Skin deck...

CAIO BAL!

Congratulations, Caio. You don’t win anything, but if you play the ambient sound of a crowd cheering in the background it will feel like you’ve won a prize. You’ve done an honourable service for all the Commoner Betsy fans out there, as sales of crop-tops skyrocket worldwide.

To the rest of you, have you got what it takes to make Cadaverous Contraband Uzuri a threat worth getting a restraining order against? Have you been taking home the bacon with Moon Wish Sun Kiss Verdance? Does your reds-only Iyslander deck go harder than eating shredded cheese straight out of the bag at 3AM? Submit your deck to the form below and you could become the next Landfill Legend!

I’m going to go wash my hands now… catch you in next month’s Dumpster Dive!