Dumpster Dive #6: Don't Worry, It Gets Worse

Can you smell the sweet scent of bin juice? You’ve stumbled upon Dumpster Dive, where we scrape the bottom of the barrel for decks to take to your next Commoner gig! Join us as we sift through the dregs for decklists that are kick-ass, giga-brain, or sometimes just downright deranged. Despite the limited card pool, we’ve only scratched the surface of what the world of budget beatdowns has to offer… If you’re willing to get your hands dirty!

First off, thank you so much to everyone who submitted their Commoner decklist to the Dumpster Dive Submission Form this month (except for the one Kavdaen guy, you know who you are). A special congratulations to Valkyrie Browne for winning the Rosetta Booster Box giveaway! I hope you open enough commons to build something better than the twenty or so Chane decks I received from other players. Yes, I know Deadwood Dirge can pop a Soul Shackle. I'm excruciatingly aware.

Commoner has undergone some pretty drastic changes with the release of Rosetta, from several powerful rares downgraded to common, incredibly useful support for Wizards and Runeblades, and the godsend Arcane Polarity, or as I like to call it, Sigil of Solace at home. We're in for a very interesting metagame, one that for the first time even I'm uncertain about. But what I am certain about is that the format kicks ass, and will only cost you about the same as a Mana Crypt.

Righto, let’s get scrounging for our next Landfill Legend…

Bladeblade

One of the things I look for when selecting a deck to highlight is the absolute REFUSAL to play conventional cards for a hero, instead opting for some utter nonsense that only works in Magical Christmas Land. This is strongly reflected in Clark Moore's decompose-less Florian decklist, who decided he didn't like the "Rune" part of Runeblade, and decided to go the anime convention route and focus entirely on swords. The deck revolves around Nebula Blade, and using 1-cost non-attack actions like Arcane Cussing, Strong Yield, and... *checks notes* Money Where Ya Mouth Is.

Don't worry, it gets worse! Keeping in line with pitching a single blue per turn, the rest of Clark's deck contains 0-cost non-attack actions such as Bramble Spark, Deadwood Dirge, and Visit the Blacksmith, paired with 1-cost attack actions that can also pump the sword, namely Brandish and Water the Seeds. Warrior cosplay is a bold move, but you have to respect the amount of thought that went into a combo that's only purpose is to make your opponent go "Huh, that works. Neat."

Sloggizen

Wait, don't click away! Bonds of Ancestry is a rare, it can't hurt you in Commoner! Relax, you're in a safe space here. Or, maybe you're not. Maybe you're dying to blue Sloggism into transcend into Head Jab into a searched Open the Center for 10 with dominate??! The Barefoot Wizard Kieran Carnegie raises many questions with this Sloggism-focused Zen build, the main one being "Who hurt you?".

Some might say the usage of Harmonzied Kodachi in a deck that transcends its blue 0-cost cards into non-cost Inner Chi is utterly ludicrous. But those people are getting Pummeled off Kodachi, Kodachi, Flying Kick floating 2, so I wouldn't pay them any mind. All the usual suspects of a Pummel deck are present and accounted for; Regurgitating Slog, Goliath Gauntlet, and uh... I guess blue Companion of the Claw? The only way this deck is winning a game is if, in Kieran's own words, "You sit down and deliver about 20 mental damage to your opponent by revealing Zen."

LOOK Turbo

Those of you who know me know of my weird obsession with Arakni's hero power and the absolutely broken, overpowered, game warping, ban worthy, unquestionably Tier 0 ability to "look". That's it. They just "look". It's even better when you sit down against Dash I/O and you can both "look". Or when you sit down against Kano and he has to pay 3 to "look" like a stupid taxpaying idiot. Anyway, Elliott Nichols has turned my own joke against me with a decklist that's entirely committed to "looking". "Look" at their deck with Scout the Periphery, "look" at their hand with Frontline Scout, "look" at your deck with Fate Foreseen.

Oh, you thought we were done "looking"? "Look" for damage with Bracers of Belief, "look" TWICE with Whisper of the Oracle, "look" for more "look" cards with Mask of Malicious Manifestations. Now you may ask me, "what is the point of all this looking?", and I will answer "I'm not sure, but I know that when Arakni crosses the road, that MFer ain't EVER getting run over!". But in all seriousness though, Elliott has the AUDACITY to think he can just waltz in here and steal the Landfill Legend title just by pandering to my silly joke?

And now… The moment you’ve all been waiting for…

Our fifth Landfill Legend…

For... *sigh*... LOOK Turbo...

ELLIOTT NICHOLS!

Congratulations, Elliott. You don’t win anything, but if you play the ambient sound of a crowd cheering in the background it will feel like you’ve won a prize. You’ve done an honourable service for all the Commoner Arakni fans out there, you've given them the reason to live that they've been "looking" for all this time.

To the rest of you, have you got what it takes to make Cadaverous Contraband Uzuri a threat worth getting a restraining order against? Have you been taking home the bacon with Moon Wish Sun Kiss Verdance? Does your Dragonless Dromai deck go harder than eating shredded cheese straight out of the bag at 3AM? Submit your deck to the form below and you could become the next Landfill Legend!

I’m going to go wash my hands now… catch you in next month’s Dumpster Dive!